Tuesday, April 27, 2010

the things that come out of my mouth are astounding.

My life is ridiculous. I think if I were to ever write a book, my publisher would be like, "okay, so this is clearly fiction." and when I tried to explain that it was my autobiography, he would just respond, "yeah, I'm not buying that."

You and me both, man.

I had an interview today. I looked like this:

Okay, I'm lying. I wasn't making that face. I wasn't angry at the job.
I was fairly optimistic, actually.
and cordial.

like this:

I still look a little skeptical, but you get the idea.
So I'm being interviewed. I'm answering questions.
It's awesome.

And then he asks me about being a woman in the audio industry.
"What's that like for you?"
I'm honest, and I respond.
"It's not always easy, but I don't mind. I get along with guys better, anyhow."

and he laughs. and says.
"I'm afraid you might be too attractive to work here."
yep. QUOTE.

So I was like:

I mean, I really don't know what I'm supposed to say to that. Uh, well, I could try to maybe, not wear make up? Talk about trying to throw someone off her game.

So I went with
"I could be less attractive, trust me. Not a problem."

and inside, I did this:

Fast Learner.
Works well under pressure.
Can be less attractive if necessary.

...my resume.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

I used as many popular search terms as I could.

I consider myself to be a bit of a search browser connoisseur. I’ve tried them all. I have Googled. I have searched Yahoo. Heck, I have even asked Jeeves once or twice. In my quest to find the fastest, and most inclusive search engine, I have left no URL unused. I even gave bing.com a fair shot, putting aside my overwhelming distaste for all things Bill Gates. The results were unchanged, however, as the simplicity and straightforwardness of google.com won out every time.

That was then, this is twenty-ten.

You can tell I’m serious by the way I just made that rhyme.

Through the Interweb grapevine, I heard of a new search engine/news/social-networking powerhouse called LeapFish.com. I won’t lie, at first, I thought it was in relation to those children’s educational toys, and I was a bit confused. Then I remembered that those were actually called LeapFrog, and well, frogs vs. fish, that’s an entirely different scientific classification all together. So, I managed to get over it, which is impressive, since I never get over anything. (I’m still upset about “No Country For Old Men” winning the 2009 Oscar for Best Picture. Insert ‘the Coen Brothers actually are the Academy’ joke here.)

LeapFish.com has integrated basic, simplistic search functionality with latest breaking news headlines, as well as the ability to link several social networking sites. Gone are the days of overloaded bookmark toolbars, I absolutely detest those horrid double angle bracket arrow things, because with LeapFish, it’s all on the first page. While our economy might be in a “recession” and "property value" might be at an all-time high, screen real estate still remains incredibly valuable, and hard to come by. This is where LeapFish dominates. I don’t need to keep four separate windows open to check for the latest tweets, Facebook posts, and whether or not Sandra Bullock was wearing her wedding ring at the Whole Foods on Santa Monica Blvd and Fairfax (I heard she wasn’t? zOMG.) All I need is LeapFish.com, and I’m set.

Do I sound like I'm getting paid for this?


Am I?


Do I wish I was?


Maybe you will disagree with me. Maybe you are already too accustomed to saying “just Google it” to make the switch now. Which, by the way, will be the reason google won't have copyright jurisdiction over it’s own name. Kleenex, round two, my friends. Proper noun does not equal verb. This is merely a friendly suggestion from one internet lover to another.

My only request is that if you start saying “LeapFish that,” don’t tell them I told you about it. I’m not so much for the ‘getting big-time sued’ thing.