Thursday, October 15, 2009

Thoughts/Occurrences that didn't justify an entire entry.

+ I was driving home the other day, and I came to a rolling stop (better described as an extremely cautious yield) at the corner stop sign. Then, I saw an SUV with police lights on top. This is the moment when I think, "Shit, was that enough of a stop for him? I looked! There wasn't anyone there! I looked!" (Yes, I was planning my defense already.) So as I continued on down the road, attempting to act as nonchalant as a 1500-pound car can look- (does anyone else do that? It's like ducking when you enter a parking garage with a fairly low height restriction, it doesn't help your car, but you do it anyway.) I glance in my rearview mirror (again, I do this very covertly, innocence being my goal) to see that it's an SUV for the fire department. I sigh in relief, and in my car, I have this conversation with myself.
"Oh, it's not a cop."
"Even so, that was a pretty good stop for that corner."
"It's like a cop for the fire department. What do you call those guys?"
"It's a fire cop."
This is the moment that I pause, reassess the words that just came out of my mouth (because yes, I was having this conversation out loud. in my car. alone.) and then I say this:
"Really, Eleanor? Fire cop? That's not a thing."

+I'm almost positive that in order to train to be a car salesmen, you have to work at a cart in the mall. I try to walk from Macy's to Urban Outfitters today, about a half-mall distance, and I get hustled by every single cart salesmen. No, I don't want to switch phone services. No, I don't want a remote-control helicopter. No, I don't need a new flat-iron and no, I do not need knockoff designer sunglasses. My only line of defense in these situations is to look busy or pissed off, and to avoid eye contact. For me, if I make the mistake of eye contact, it's over. Whatever they're selling, I'm buying. Because I can only say no so many times because I feel awful and the guilt overwhelms me. And then I'm presented with the choice of death by drowning in a sea of contrition, or buying the cheapest thing I can find on their cart-of-wonders and get the hell out of there. Nevertheless, buyers remorse always kicks in right around the time I look down at the receipt to see "All Sales Final" stamped in red ink. I feel suckered and victimized. And instantly poorer.

+ I, without fail, always have an oval shaped bruise about a third of the way past my kneecap on my left shin. It never gets a chance to fade - just change colors, like a mood ring. I have a mood bruise on my shin. Logic will deduce this occurrence to the placement of my subwoofer, which is under my desk, right around the area where one's feet would go. However, I was away from my desk for over a week, and somehow, the bruise managed to be reformed in the exact same spot from some other unknown object. Today, it is a greyish-purple which means I am "at rest, tranquil and aloof."

+The other day, I was at the bank, and an old man commented on how fast I was at texting. This, immediately, made me stumble over every word I tried to write, and also forget what I was writing in the first place. I wanted to yell at this guy, "hey JACKASS, stop watching me text!" because he was just staring at me. But the bank is a quiet place in general, and he and I were the only customers in there. Also, had I acted upon my initial thought to shout at this elderly stranger, I would have been that crazy lady at the bank, and I'm sure my deposit would have been denied.

+Today, I was at the gym, and thought of something really funny, and so as a natural response, I started smiling. Now, this would have been fine, if I hadn't also, accidentally been spaced out, and my eyes were unfocused on a guy who had noticed, and was giving me a very confused look. Because I was running on the treadmill, grinning like an idiot, and accidentally staring at a buff, no-nonsense type man. I tried to avert my eyes to the television, but it was too late. He was still looking at me like I was the weirdest person ever. And since I'm just the slightest bit neurotic, I actually considered walking over to him and explaining myself, like:
"Hi. I know you think that I was smiling at you, but really, I was just zoned out and I was thinking about this one time that my friend and I were walking and I made a joke about the wind and I said, 'you know, like a candle in the...' and I left it open, you know because, well you get it I'm sure. Anyway, she just kept talking about whether or not we should turn right at the next block, and totally just left me hanging! So I was thinking about how that was funny, and that's why I was smiling. Not because of you, in fact, I wasn't even looking at you. So now you know that. Okay, thank you for your time and enjoy the rest of your workout."

+Facebook rant: I hate it when you make a comment on someone's status, or on a photo, and then you get about 20 notifications when other people, mostly people you don't know, comment on the same thing. Do I care what these people have to say? No. I just wanted to make my quippy remark, and then that's all. I don't care what other people have to say, unless it pertains to me, which it rarely does. It's annoying to get excited when I see that little red thought-bubble at the bottom of my screen, only to find out that it really doesn't concern me at all. Hey Facebook, Eleanor Thibeaux dislikes this.

1 comment:

Marina H said...

I feel like i haven't talked to you in forever and this post made me feel like i just talked to you. but then i got sad because i really DIDN'T just talk to you. and anyway...well i was going to write some of my rants as a comment...but that would just make an epic comment that was mostly self-serving.

point is, i really enjoyed this post, i'm sorry about your bruise, i'm glad you didn't get a ticket from the fire cop, and i hate when i get notifications on other people commenting. chiefly on yours, because your status messages have epic responses. lol. don't worry it's just my jealousy talking. hopefully we'll catch up soon!


ps, your bone candleholders are on sale now. how many do you want?