None of this will make any sense.

Dreams are weird. My dreams, the ones that ferment in the subconscious of my brain, are even weirder. I've always been interested in dream analysis, but at the same time, I'm afraid to share some of my dreams, just in case they land me in some kind of intense therapy session.

Last night's dream was a prime specimen for the complete bizarreness that is my mind.

It started out with myself, and my little brother and we were in a large, cold gothic mansion. We were having some kind of heated discussion, though I was a spectator in the dream and couldn't hear what we were talking about. That seems to happen a lot to me. I always see myself from a distance, I'm rarely, actually, me. So he and I are discussing something, and then suddenly, Professor Dumbledore apparates into the room. He gives my little brother a sword, and tells him to do something, and Geof leaves. So now it's just me and Dumbledore, and we're just staring at each other.

Now I'm running, and Draco Malfoy is ahead of me. Deductive reasoning says that I'm chasing him. In my head, or in Dream Eleanor's head, I rationalize that this is a bad plan, because he has a wand and I have no weapons at all. (You know, other than my sharp wit and tumultuous rage...) but for some reason, he's running from me, so I arrogantly assume that I possess something that he is afraid of.

Here's where it gets strange. This whole time, I'm a third party to the action. I am watching myself talk with people, I am watching myself chase down Malfoy, and I am only hearing myself think, though not actually thinking the thoughts in my own head. But the second, and I mean the very instant I catch Malfoy and knock him down to the ground, I am me. Like I time-warped into my own body, and simultaneously become an active party to this dream. Because this is the part where I start trying to hit him. And this is the part, like in so many of my dreams, where I am trying with all my might to punch someone and it's as if I'm giving them a hug. He's laughing, because my blows are not mighty nor impacting, and I'm getting more frustrated, which translates into more pissed off. (Just like in real life.)

But wait! It gets better. Because suddenly, I'm magical, and I have a swiss army knife for a fist, for just a second, and I stab him. And he's dead. And then Dumbledore is there, and I tell him, "it was an accident. I accidently killed him." And he's laughing, like the kind of laugh you have when you're thinking, "Oh you, you wily little girl." And now we're back in the gothic castle.

Dumbledore tells me that I have to kill Voldemort. Again, now that I'm not fighting anyone, I have returned to a third party observer. I can hear my thoughts, but I am not thinking them. And just for the record, if you were to give it a literary term, I would be third-person limited omniscient. I hear myself think, "how am I going to kill Voldemort without a wand?" and then I see myself start to look around. What am I looking for? A spare wand just laying around? I, the narrator of this tale, feel annoyed with Dream Eleanor. Because the room I am in is entirely empty, and this is a magic place. But then, it hits me! Magic! So again, when it's time to actually do something, I snap back into myself, and start saying spells. (Which don't work without a wand in JK Rowlings version, but I seem to have some kind of secret capabilities that not even she could have foreseen.) So I say, "Accio Wand!" and a wand comes flying into my hand. freaking sweet.

Then I say, "Accio Marauder's Map!"

Then I say, "Accio basallik tooth!" (because that's the only way to kill Voldemort, 'member?)

This is the part where the basallik tooth comes flying at me, and I suddenly think that air travel of such a weapon wasn't the smartest thing. Don't worry, I caught it.

I am loving this whole magic thing. I was probably smiling in my sleep. I just started to call random objects to me, like "accio mighty-mend it!" and "accio George Forman grill!" and it worked, and it was awesome.

But then Voldemort shows up, and I have to put away my informercial products and get ready to fight. So we fight. Even in my dream, it was very nondescript, I just know that there was a fight, and then the next vivid image in my head was me stabbing Voldemort in the heart with the giant tooth. And blood is flying everywhere, but this fool is not dying. Again, he's laughing. So I do what's logical, I start to dig around in his chest cavity to freaking rip out his heart. (just one of the many moments I think, if shared with the right person, could land me in some kind of institute.)

So I grab something, and pull it out. And it's a sponge. In the shape of a heart. And the Voldemort I have been stabbing for like, an hour, shuts down. Because he was a robot. And Dream Eleanor says something like, "Son-of-a-bitch." and stabs Robot-Voldemort in his robotic eye.

This is the part where both my brothers come running into the room, waving their swords in triumph. Also, my older brother's friend Leo is there. He, too, has a sword. I am covered in blood, wielding a tooth, and feeling incredibly disheartened.

Geof (little brother) says, "You killed him!"

Greg (older brother) says, "We killed the snakes!"

Leo (random friend of said older brother) says, "Voldemort wasn't a robot in the books."

Everyone looks confused. I'm confused as to why they were killing snakes. But there isn't time. Because at this point, I figure out that robot-Voldemort is a ruse, and that the real one is still out there. Enter, Marauder's map. So I find the dot labelled "Lord Voldemort" and he's walking down our street. (Because the gothic castle, apparently, is also located on Center Ct.) So I run out into the street, tooth in hand, and I see him, throw the tooth in his general direction with supernatural force and precision, and he drops dead.

Dumbledore appears again (fancy him showing up right after all the hard parts were over.) and Greg tells him about the snakes. Geof tells him that he might have killed one of our neighbors on accident, and Dumbledore smiles. Says something along the line of "accidental murders seem to run in the family." and everyone laughs because accidentally killing someone is funny to us.

Now the singing starts. And we retell the tale of how I killed Voldemort, and how Dumbledore is awesome, and how all the snakes are dead, in musical form, complete with a chorus and set changes. Suddenly, our last number starts to sound a lot like "This is For Real" by Motion City Soundtrack, and I think, "hmm, copyright infringement much?"

But don't worry, it was just my alarm.

It's 8:30.

and @KaciDuke has apparently already updated her twitter.